Midwives are blessed to serve women during major tranformative times in their lives.

In other times, other places, we had seclusion rituals at the onset of menstruation, we had ceremonies marking life passages, we had clans and circles of women who honored the hard work of bringing into physical form their energies of creation, love, dreams and desires. Nowdays we have very few, if you call a baby shower a life passage ceremony, for example, and most are now based on consumerism. One of the deep satisfactions of being a midwife, for me has been facilitating the creation of community. Sometimes I even give new mothers a little certificatepostpartum, welcoming them into “the Sisterhood of Motherhood”. A lot of young women dont have many women friends in the first place, and find the experience of pregnancy to be isolating. Modern prenatal care, even with midwives, is often given and recieved in the vacum of “ your appointment/your chart/your next appointment.”  would like to present some simple suggestions you can incorperate in your Practice to help celebrate motherhood and foster community.

1. If you are in independant or small practice, have “prenatal day”(s) where you schedule your prenatal visits with your clients so that they overlap and get a chance to meet. If you have a busy practice, be sure to have lots of chairs in the waiting area, a pot of tea, and a bulliten board with photos of your preganant women ( ask them to bring one in) and of them afterwards with thier babies. Your clients can also post their own announcements of help wanted, classes offered, birth news, etc. Even when I am not the attending midwife, and seeing a woman for prenatal care, classes, or information, Imake sure they are aware of my other clients by asking: “ I know someone else near your due date/having a homebirth/ interested in yoga, would you like to meet her?”

2. Encourage husbands, mothers, in-laws, children, birth attendants, whomever your women wants to share this with, to attend one prenatal visit, preferrably far along in the pregnancy, to meet you, listen to and touch the baby, and to share thier doubts with you. As midwife, I am often considered “disinterested expert” on friction points or hidden fears the couple may not have been able to bring up on their own.

3. If you dont already offer childbirth education classes, ( or even if you do) every month or two , hold “Open House” and invite every pregnant woman , her support people, and recent postpartum women to watch birth movies, share stories, drink tea and eat cookies. This is a great way for apprentices and aspiring midwives to enter the circle too. You, student or aspiring midwife could hold these get togethers. Invite a speaker—from La Leche Leauge, a homeopath, midwife, local doc, masseuse, etc,. to give a short presentation then open things up to questions, comments, tea and such. The idea is to be informal, create opportunities for people to share themselves on whatever level is comfortable. Its not “school” or where one person is Know It All. I especially likehaving whoever had their baby last come and share their story.

P.S. If you dont want to have or can´t fit everyone in your house, have it rotate at each others homes, or ask a local church or school to  loan a room.

4. Have an exchange box by your door or in your meeting place. I always had a bigcardboard box for baby and maternity clothes people had outgrown, and it didnt take much encouragement for women to bring what no longer served them and take whatthey need.They didnt have to ‘give’ to ‘take’ and vice versa. Later, this idea grew to include baby furniture: cribs, high chairs, swings, etc. First it was mostly my own hand- me-down s loaned out on a rotating basis, but later others, too, and one mother even expanded it to start her own furniture rental business to tourists and travelers.

5. Have a lending library of books and magazines on birth, parenting, wellness,vaccinations, greiving.. anything you and your freinds find helpfull. Again, spread the word and encourage women to donate and borrow as needed.

6. Have a sign up sheet at your prenatal classes where women can sign up to bring a hot dish postpartum for one of thier classmates. Make sure everyone exchanges phone numbers.

7. When one of your clients has a Blessingway, Baby naming ceremony, Christening, or “Coming out” ( postpartum) party, be sure to include the other gals who were pregnant around the same time. It doesnt matter if you dont see a lot of women, its not about quantity, its about helping women find kindred spirits.

8. I am not above old fashioned match-making, if I find two clients with special needs or intrests in common. So I may tell the 40 year old first time mother in a crummy relationship that I know a 41 year old pregnant woman recovering from a divorce, , if they may like to  compare notes. Or the single postpartum mom having a hard time nursing who is an interior decorator with a weaving loom in the living room, I may mention I know a mom with a 6 month old who is also an interior decorator interested in textiles. Or match up the aspiring doula with the pregnant mom with no money who wants a labor companion. In many cases, these women become best freinds for years. Even When they only have a passing freindship. They are always gratefull to find there is someone else out there who understands what they are going through.

9. Encourage clients to have a Blessingway instead of or in addition to a Baby Shower.I offer to hostess it for them if they want,  or to explain it to others to do for them, – I have even been asked to preside at blesingways for women ive never met. There is nothing like a Blessingway to welcome the woman to Motherhood and to deepen the understanding of her relatives, and freinds to the spiritual componants of her passage. I also ask  will you have a placental ritual? Would you like me to make medicine from your placenta after the birth? “I will often ask the woman who most recently birthed to make the placenta medicine for the next one. Everyone feels they have a place in the Great Circle of life after these activities.

( See my upcoming articles on Blesingway and Placenta rituals for more details)

10. You can put up little signs on local bulliten  boards: “ Baby clothes/Maternity and book exchange” to meet people if you arent in the loop. You can start your own circle of women to study midwifery –a study group to read, practice, and discuss together.

11.Those who bonded from these experiences often form play groups together whentheir babies are older. Others form study groups on homeopathy or home schooling. Others meet once a week to go swimming, or to the park. They tell each other whatkind of diapers they like, what pediatritian they like, they call each other in the middle of the night when they are worried or lonely. By the time we have the 6 week or 6 month postpartum potluck, they ask me some midwifely question, and then all the others present, especially the husbands, chime in to answer with so much passion , authority, and comfort, I know my job is done. They are there for each other.

12. Notice none of these ideas are about exchanging money, selling anything, charging fees, collecting dues, etc. In the West, it seems our dominant bonding or meeting rituals involve commerce in some way. Sisterhood and Motherhood are about nurturing. Nature nurtures us every day, always, and for free. Try it. It works. Join the Sisterhood of Motherhood, and remember, the Gift must always move.